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Some people go through emotional breakups at some point in their lives, which have a negative impact on one's mental health and it leaves an impact on his life after the separation. Some have a strong reaction from the impact of emotional shock and they find themselves in a war with the entire opposite sex as a kind of revenge and to express their anger and pent-up feelings. But the worst thing about the matter is that this person rushes to connect again, wanting to forget what he went through in his first experience, which is often bitter. He forgotten or forgets that he is not in a correct psychologically situation that would enable him to take another emotional connection step and that the new party has no guilt and is often not aware or has no idea of the circumstances of the party who is about to marry him.
Often this type of quick and unconsidered association, which is not built on the right foundations in choosing the right partner, has negative and more bitter effects than the first failed experience.
It is necessary to wait in choosing an emotional partner, especially after emotional failures.
How do I choose a partner?
Choosing a spouse or emotional partner is one of the most important decisions that an individual takes in his life, because the success of this relationship makes a person feel happy, stable and comfortable psychologically.
And vice versa. When a person rushes to associate for the sake of association and desires to appear in a certain social way, he often chooses an inappropriate and incompatible partner, and the emotional partner that is supposed to be the basis of stability and happiness becomes the source of unhappiness, sadness, anger and resentment.
Emotional attachment is a project of life. We have to think and study deeply before taking this step. Because this step will result in not only the stability or unhappiness of the two parties to the marriage, but will also result in the future of the children and their psychological and emotional stability.
In fact, the stage before even choosing a partner and thinking about the connection, is a stage in which you determine your psychological readiness to enter into an emotional relationship? Are you really ready to take on the burdens and responsibilities of the relationship and its results?
If you are about to enter into a romantic relationship or are preparing for an emotional engagement, ask yourself these questions so that you can assess yourself and your preparedness.
- Am I ready for the engagement?
- Do I have good communication skills with the other party?
- What exactly do I want from this new romantic relationship?
- Is there any kind of pain in me from previous relationships?
- What are the most important features I want in my emotional partner?
- Am I prepared financially to bear the financial burdens of this relationship?
- What have I learned from my previous emotional experiences?
- What are my biggest flaws when I'm in a romantic relationship?
- Can I correct these defects and work to fix myself?
- What qualifies me and makes me ready for engagement?
When a person stands and answers these questions clearly and frankly for himself and knows exactly where he stands and the extent of his emotional preparedness, then he can move forward in choosing the appropriate emotional partner. But when he finds himself not ready for any reason, it is necessary that he reform himself first so that he can thus enter into a healthy, happy and equal emotional relationship.
There are some common mistakes in partner selection:
The first mistake is that someone else chooses a wife
Unfortunately, some people give the power to choose a romantic partner for another close person, such as a mother, with my respect and appreciation for all mothers and their choices, but in the end, it is not about them. It is the man who will live with this woman, so he must choose the right woman for him.
It is normal for the mother to choose the daughter-in-law from a respectable, beautiful and reputable family, but all these factors are not sufficient for the success of the relationship and the formation of healthy and equal relationships.
It is the man's responsibility to test and choose the natures of his life partner, at least he must know the most important traits that he personally needs in his life partner. Every person has different needs, so it is necessary for a person to know who is the ideal partner for him first before embarking on the process of searching for a life partner.
The second mistake is choosing a partner based on the external appearance only. I agree that accepting the external appearance is important, but we cannot build a correct relationship based on a beautiful shape only.
Some are based on the saying (Allah is beautiful and he loves beauty), but whoever is based on this (He is not satisfied and will not be satisfied with an emotional partner). So, beauty, no matter how great it is, because it will change by time and by possible accidents, and every beautiful thing there is what is more beautiful than it and what is overshadowed in beauty. Therefore, choosing an emotional partner is a deeper matter than choosing a beautiful form.
Choosing an emotional partner is choosing another soul with whom we share a lifetime of sweet and sour, an honest and truthful spirit that we live safe next to, and ourselves reassure with it and make the soul feel comfortable with it.
One of the important things to consider is the age or appropriate age for the engagement.
Is there an appropriate age for emotional attachment? What is that age?
From life experiences, there are experiences that make us believe that age is just a number, and it is not a true measure of the success of emotional relationships and it is not considered a measure of maturity. Perhaps a twenty-five-year-old is more mature and balanced than a fifty-year-old person.
Success of emotional relationships requires many skills and not a certain age, such as being mature enough and possessing a high level of tolerance and understanding, communication skills with the other party and the ability to deal with the partner’s expenses, as well as the skill of accepting the other, the skill of respecting differences, the skill of taking responsibility for married life and the ability to commit to this relationship.
We need to take a closer look at all of these skills and traits, and how well we are at each of them, as well as we need to work to develop what we lack, so that we are fully prepared for a successful emotional relationship.
